Oh, I can be selfish

Oh, I can be selfish.  I can be so focused on my own desires, my own ideas of how things should be, on my own place in any particular pecking order.  Envy and greed – not so much, but selfishness, being captivated by my own wants, needs and desires; I am aware of how present that sin is in my life.  And, I am aware that like all sin, selfishness disrupts.  It disrupts my relationship with God, with friends and family, and it originates from and perpetuates a disrupted relationship with myself. 

Fear twists us. It turns us back in on ourselves; away from others and away from God.  Fear whispers to me that my work will be over looked if I don’t push my ideas forward, even if that can mean walking over others.  Fear is like a background drip, telling me that my needs won’t be met if I don’t put myself first.  Fear shouts in the echo chamber of my anxiety that I am not worthy of love and must puff my self up in order to be cared about. Fear makes me selfish, it makes me the center of my universe.   

Loving God, thank you for loving us.  Help us to not allow fear to make us the center of our own universe.  Help us to surrender our fear to you.  Thank you for giving us hearts that can trust. Amen

~ Bonnie